Screwed Up
by kcatlin
Summary: Danny screwed up, now he has to make things right
1. Chapter 1

Disclaimer: I own nothing.

It had been three months since she told him. Three months since he tore her heart out. Three months since he left. Three months since he abandoned her.

It had been three months since she told him. Three months since he tore his heart out. Three months since he left. Three months since he abandoned her.

It had been three months since he turned chicken shit and turned his back on the only thing that mattered in his life.

She wrapped the long jacket as tight around herself as she could, protecting her developing body against the bitter nip in the cool fall air. She felt arms wrap around her six-month bump, her throat catching when she feels it then that familiar scent she has so longed for in the last three months.

He saw her standing near the end of the rooftop; hugging the jacket she was wearing to herself, trying to protect her, and his child, against the bitter nip in the air. The realization dawned on him weeks ago, but he was too big of a coward to admit that he had been wrong.

But now standing here watching her try to protect herself against the elements, he fully realized that it was time man up. He should be the one keeping her, and the life they created from the love they shared, warm, not just some stupid jacket. So he went up behind her and wrapped his arms around her, for the first time in what seemed like ages. He knew he had no right to do it anymore, but maybe she would forgive him.

Painfully she tried pulling away from him, her heart almost whole again in his arms. But he held her tight.

"You don't have the right to touch me anymore Messer," she hissed through tears and the lump in her throat.

"But I wanna try to get it back, Montana," he said softly into her hair.

She gasped in response, not able to say anything.

"I fucked up. I got scared, I turned into the asshole my ma is gonna kill me for," he continued.

"I told you I was carrying your child," she started through gritted teeth, she yanked herself free from his grip and spun around, "And you turned around and LEFT!" she screamed at him.

"I love you Lindsay," he said.

"You left me!!" she screamed at him and began pounding on his chest. "You left me!!" she repeated over and over sobbing and wailing and pounding.

And he took every bit of it. He knew he deserved it; it wasn't like he hadn't mentally beaten himself up for it.

After she was down to a few hiccups he gently fell with her to the rooftop concrete and rocked her. He whispered words of love and devotion.

"I'll never break your heart again, my beautiful Montana. We are going to raise our child together, and I'm gonna love you and cherish you and show you everyday how sorry I am for leaving you and hurting you. I love you baby," he promised into her ear, as he rocked her.

And she believed him, because her heart couldn't take any more pain.

A/N: Idea from a photo prompt at http://community. 


	2. Chapter 2

Disclaimer: I own nothin'

The next morning, Danny woke up with a huge smile on his face and his arm draped across Lindsay's rounded belly. She had allowed him to stay with her last night. Nothing physical, just talking. He still had to convince her she, and his child, was what he wanted. He understood, he would grovel for her the rest of his life if he had too.

He felt some movement under his fingers, and at first it scared him, but Lindsay was still sleeping and she wasn't freaking out so he realized it must not be anything bad. After a few minutes of just sitting and feeling the movements, he realized it must be his child. Tears came to his eyes, why did he think he could have lived his life without knowing this? The feel of a life he helped create. What made him think he could have turned his back on this and still consider himself a man? He almost screwed it all up, lost it all.

Lindsay stirred for a minute, but settled onto her back from her side, and drifted back off to sleep. Her cheeks flushed from her maternal glow.

When she settled he, moved back to her belly, and placed a light kiss over her clothed belly. "Hey baby, I know we haven't met yet, which is my fault. But I'm your daddy. I know I haven't been around, and I'm sorry about that, but I'm here now, and I'm not going anywhere again, I promise," he whispered as softly as he could.

Feeling Lindsay chest take in a deep breath, he looked up. She was crying again.

"Are you okay?" he asked her, pushing the hair off her forehead.

"You're really here," she gasped out.

"Yeah I'm here, Montana," he whispered kissing her forehead.

"You won't leave again?" she whispered.

"This is my choice. You are my choice. Our family is my choice," he assured her, looking into her eyes. "I hate that I've made you doubt that, and I'm gonna do whatever you need me to do to make you believe me. I love you Montana, I love both of you."

A/N: This is from a prompt at all-unwritten, 'This is my choice.'


	3. Chapter 3

He could only think of one way to truly let her know what his intentions.

"Danny, where are we going?" She asked as he gently pulled her behind him, her hand firmly grasped in his.

"Someplace very special to me," is all he would say. He couldn't say, "Trust me." Or "Have a little faith," because he hadn't earned that yet and he knew it.

He led her down to the subway, which was packed with people, so they had no choice but to stand. He was mildly irritated, that no one had the common courtesy to get up and let an obviously very pregnant woman get off her feet.

He gripped the bar overhead, and pulled her into him, letting her put as much of her extra weight she needed on him. He wasn't used to feeling the change of her body so flushed against his, and he again wanted to beat himself for not being here sooner.

Why did he feel eyes on him? He looked around and saw a middle age man staring at them, or more accurately on her.

She had tried to get his attention by poking him in his side, but it wasn't working, so she looked up to see what he was doing. His eyes were locked on something, and he wasn't very thrilled about it. She tried tugging on his shirt and saying his name to get his attention and it didn't work either.

So finally she grabbed the back of his head and pulled him down to her lips and kissed him deeply.

Startled, he accepted her kiss, their first one in nearly 3 months. After she pulled away, he had to catch his breath, "What was that for?"

"I've been trying to talk to you for 5 minutes. What's wrong?"

"That man has been staring at you since we got on," he explained, "The man has no problem openly ogling you, yet he doesn't have the courtesy to let my pregnant girl have a seat?!" he exclaimed loud enough for the guy and the rest of the car to hear.

She just shrugged her shoulders, "I'm used to it by now. I've had to ride the subway alone for the last three months. I used to think it was pity, but now I don't know what it is."

At the mention of having to ride alone for the past three months, he clenched his jaw tight, and pulled her in closer to him. He could feel her bury her head into his chest, and he kissed her head.

"I love you Montana," he said softly into her hair. She hadn't said it in return yet, but it didn't matter to him. He would keep saying it to her for the rest of their lives even if she never reciprocated the gesture. He had cut her deeply and he knew it, he was just fightin' his way in to mend the wound.

A/N: Another prompt from allunwritten, this one is 'alone on the subway'


	4. Chapter 4

The cab they got in from the last subway terminal pulled up in front of a house Lindsay had never seen before.

Lindsay hesitated getting out, "Danny, where are we?" She knew they were on Staten Island, but she had never been here before.

"Would I ever physically hurt you?" he asked knowing he still had emotional wounds to help her heal, she shook her head no. "Would I ever let anybody physically hurt you?" again she shook her head no. "Then just trust me for a few minutes, okay?"

He held his hand out and she accepted, he helped pull her out of the car just as the front door swung open and an elderly woman ran down the front steps.

She met them halfway up the walk, her arms open wide, "Oh, Daniel, is this her?" she said before she wrapped Lindsay in her arms.

Lindsay just stood there wrapped in this woman's arms, not sure really what to do.

"Yeah, this is her Ma," Danny said small smile on his face. "Lindsay this is my mother," he said, "Ma, this is Lindsay."

Lindsay was in shock, she had never met his mother before. He had never even offered. Maybe he was in it for the long haul now.

"Daniel, she is so beautiful," his mother said holding Lindsay face in her hands. Lindsay smiled at her.

"I know she is, Ma," he smiled shyly, looking at Lindsay.

"You know how much my Daniel loves you?" his mother asked Lindsay looking her in the eyes.

She felt her throat tighten up, and her lower lip quiver, looking into the same eyes as Danny's. Only these eyes knew Danny, what was in his heart. She could see so much love and honesty in those eyes that she didn't even think she could look into them anymore. She felt a tear slid down her face, his mother wiped it away. She moved her eyes to Danny, who had his head bowed almost as if he was ashamed still, which he was.

She didn't answer because she honestly, didn't know how he felt. She knew HOW she wanted him to feel. She knew she hoped he felt that way towards her and their child, and he had tried proving it to her for the past few days, but she still had some doubts and she didn't know when or if they would go away.

"Daniel has NEVER brought a girl home for me to meet," his mother said, "if that tells you how important you are to him."

Lindsay closed her eyes in response. Maybe he did love her as much as she loved him.

Wrapping her arm around her, "You can call me Maria," his mother said, "let's get you and my grandbaby off your feet." She said guiding Lindsay into the house.


	5. Chapter 5

"Why did you bring me here, Danny?" Lindsay asked softly, her head leaning against his chest and shoulder, as they sat on his childhood bed.

"This is the only way I could think of to get you to realize how serious I am about this, us," he explained. "I guess, I just thought if meeting my mother was a big deal for me, it would be a big deal for you too," he shrugged.

The truth was it was a big deal for her too. Danny had never been the 'take the girl home to meet the parents' guy. She knew that, she knew his reputation of the love 'em and leave 'em type. But he had told her he loved her, so she thought she had passed the 'test', thought they would make it, until she told him she was pregnant. He ripped her heart out and took it with him. She had become the laughing stock of the precinct, the girl who thought she had won the playboys heart.

She looked at him, and tilted his face to look at her. Looking into his sparkling blue eyes, she saw a man who was trying desperately to win her trust back. To right the wrong he did to her, to their child.

She leaned forward and gently kissed his lips, letting them linger for a minute. Breaking apart, they rested their forehead against each other. Taking his hand she intertwined their fingers, and laid it on her leg.

"It is a big deal to me too, Dan," she whispered, "You hurt me. God you hurt me so much, that I didn't even know if I wanted to have this baby." She admitted, the tears falling down her face.

Danny closed his eyes, the truth of what he did to her from her point of view hurting his heart, the tears falling past his glasses.

"I can't promise you that I still won't have doubts or that I won't get upset still, but I love you Danny. God knows I tried not to, but I do," she sighed.

His heart rejoiced, she had told him the words he thought he might never hear again. He cupped her face in his hands and brought her lips to his again, "I love you Lindsay, I'm gonna show you everyday how much. I can't promise that I won't fuck up again, but I'm never gonna leave you again," he said dropping his hand to her belly, "You've got me now, whether you want me or not."

_This is it Messer, time to put it all out there. _He dropped to his knee and dug the velvet box he had asked his mother for.

Lindsay gasped, "What are you doing?" she whispered in surprise.

"I want to marry you Montana. I know you probably think I'm only doing this because of the baby and to try make you forget what an ass I was, that's why I don't want you to answer right away. I just want you to know what my intentions are," he opened the velvet box to reveal the engagement ring his father gave to his mother; "Do you want to wear it anyway?"

Lindsay stared at it for a minute, and then nodded her head 'yes.'

He slid the ring on her finger, "It's beautiful, Danny." She said in awe.

"It was my mother's engagement ring that my father gave her," he explained, "When I was younger, Ma told me when I found the right girl that would be able to give it to her. The only person I have ever wanted to give it to was you."


	6. Chapter 6

"Why am I doing this again?" Danny asked, as they lay in bed that night, her night gown pulled over her belly. Danny was massaging cocoa butter into her skin, amazed by the new contours of her body. As his hand passed over her flesh, he felt the baby flutter under his touch.

"It helps with the stretch marks," she clarified as she flipped through the magazine she had propped up on her chest, "And you're bonding with the baby."

He smiled, and gently kissed her belly, "Daddy loves you and your mommy". He definitely had some bonding to do. If rubbing cream on her belly would help her and he was close to his baby, who was he to complain.

Lindsay sighed almost contented, this is what she always wished would happen, this is how she pictured their life to be when she found out she was pregnant, before she told him. This was how she had wanted him to react.

"We'll find out tomorrow if it's a boy or girl, right?" he asked. His mind's eye created visions of a little girl with pig tails skipping down the sidewalk as he held her hand. Then of a little boy with sandy blond hair, with a baseball hat on and a ball bat resting on his shoulder as they walked down the sidewalk.

"Yeah," she affirmed, and stopped reading the magazine she was glancing through, "Dan, can I ask you something?"

"Sure," he said his mind focused on the task at hand.

"Did you see anyone after you left?" she asked quietly, not really sure if she wants to hear the answer.

He stopped what he was doing, dropped his head and sighed heavily, "Does it really matter?"

"Is that a yes?"

"I went out on a date or two," he admitted, "But something was missing."

"What?" she asked quietly.

"You," he said simply.

"Did you…?" she couldn't even say the words. She dropped her head forward.

He crawled up the bed, and lifted her chin with his finger, "I've been with exactly one person in the last three years, and I'm lying in bed with her now."

She sighed long and hard, not even realizing she was holding it in.

"You," he said and poked her nose to make his point, "have completely ruined other woman for me."

A smile slowly broke across her face, "Good."


	7. Chapter 7

Later that night, his body wrapped around his world, his home, were he was meant to be; his mind wandered. _Had she dated other men since they separated? _Would she do that? But then again who was he to judge if she had, he was the one who walked out on her, left her to fend for herself and his child. The thought of another man touching her, comforting her, made his skin crawl and his blood boil.

He tightened his arm around her waist and pulled her closer to him then brought his hand to rest on her belly again, fighting back the images of another man holding her, kissing her, or even worse.

"Danny, I'm the one that's fat and pregnant, so why are you fidgeting?"

"Sorry," he grumbled and sighed heavily, trying to shake the images from his head.

"What's wrong?"

He sighed again, he really didn't want to hear about another man doing anything to her or with her but he had to know, "You know what you asked me before, about seeing other people."

"Yeah."

"Did you?" he asked hesitantly. _Did he even have the right to ask?_

Did she tell him the truth or did she make him squirm more than he was already, literally. She decided to go with the truth even though she knew it still wasn't going to be what he wanted to hear.

"You remember before I found out I was pregnant, my brother Tom called saying that the guy that was my neighbor my whole life when I lived in Montana was moving out here?"

"Yeah," he answered not really sure if he did remember or that he wanted to know what her point was. But he did ask…

"Well after, you know, he did move out here. We went out and caught up on old times, it was good to have someone who I had a connection with from back home, someone who I felt comfortable with. He's even gone to the doctor with me a few times," she admitted. She felt his arm go even tighter around her if possible, at least felt his muscles tense up.

He wanted to get out of the bed and pound his head against the wall. Or at least call Don to come over and beat the shit out of him. He, through his own selfish cowardly actions, had almost allowed another man to step in and take his place. A man who Lindsay had confided in, who she felt comfortable with. Another man saw pictures of his child before he had, had been the one to hold her hand during the exam, supported her when it should have been him.

"Did you two ever…?" he couldn't even say the words without wanting to throw up.

"We are just friends, Danny. He knows that," Lindsay said trying to soothe him, intertwining their fingers together.

A/N: Thanks to Laurzz and Daytimedrama for betaing.


	8. Chapter 8

_The baby was screaming__ Lindsay was trying desperately to calm her. She bounced and rocked her, tried feeding her, changed her. Danny walked in the front door, looking dead on his feet after an almost two day shift. _

_He grimaced at the screeching, and looked at Lindsay. When she noticed he had entered the apartment__, she went to him with the baby cradled in her arms._

_"Look, Daddy's home," she tried cooing at the baby._

_"Why is she crying now?" he practically snarled at her._

_"I don't know. I can't get her to stop, I've tried everything," Lindsay was practically hysterical herself, "__Here, maybe she just missed__ you__," she passed the baby in his direction._

_Reluctantly, he took the screaming infant. He stood there with her for a minute, __then__ he pushed the baby back in Lindsay__'s__ direction._

_He turned around, and put his hand on the door knob._

_Lindsay looked at him__. She suddenly had a feeling of déjà vu. Fear shot thro__ugh__ her. "What are you doing?"_

_"I don't need this!! I never wanted children!__ This whole thing was a mistake!" he screamed and walked out the door._

_"Danny!! Oh god! Please! We need you!" she began sobbing and screaming along with her screaming daughter. "Please come back!" she wailed, her fears becoming a reality for a second time._

_He had walked __o__ut on her for a second time._

"Danny!! Please Danny, don't leave! Come back!!" she screamed over and over again, sobbing.

"Montana!" Danny yelled at her, shaking her to wake up her up.

But she just kept screaming and crying, "Lindsay, baby please wake up!" he shook her again.

Finally her tear stained red eyes popped open, the fear and desperation he saw in them almost knocked him off the bed.

"Danny?" she gasped out, through her tight throat. "You left me," she sobbed out.

He wrapped his arms around her, rocking her, "Never again. I'm right here. I'm not going anywhere again. I love you so much."

Holding her and rocking her was the only thing he knew to do. He never fully understood the impact his leaving her would have, until now. He knew that he had made the biggest mistake of his life when had done it, and he was going to spend every day for the rest of his life, making it up to her.

A/N: Thank you for the replies. I'm glad you are enjoying this.


	9. Chapter 9

"When we started dating, or hookin' up, or whatever they call it, I didn't think it would go anywhere," he spoke softly into her ear, as she lay curled up on his side, "You know, 'spend some time together. Dinner. A few drinks. Some laughs.'" he quoted himself from three years ago. "But then you just side swiped me, you took my heart, and haven't given it back."

"I've never loved anyone as much as I love you. I love you so much my heart actually hurts most of the time," he admitted, he felt her inhale deeply and let out a shaky breath, another tear hitting his bare chest.

"Then why did you leave me?" she barely squeaked out.

"People I love die," he barely rasped out.

"Danny," she whispered, looking up into his light blue eyes.

"They do," he insisted, his eyes diverting away from hers. "Louie died for me, Aiden died because I didn't know what she was doing, and Rueben," he paused, trying to collect himself but he couldn't, he fell apart, "Little Rueben died because I didn't make sure he got home like he was supposed to." He let everything he still had left in him to grieve out.

"God Lindsay, I don't think I could bare it if you died too. And now we have a baby comin'. If anything happened to him, he hasn't done anythin' wrong yet. It's like havin' anythin' to do with me curses ya, and bein' my kid," he stopped talking, he couldn't say anything else.

"Danny, look at me," she said forcefully taking his face in her hands to make him look at her, "You are not a curse! We love you!" she dropped her hand away from his face, and put his hand on her belly. "Our baby is alive. I am alive. You are alive," she said looking into his eyes, "Okay."

Why did she love him so much? Why couldn't she see what everyone else sees? What did he do to deserve her?

They lay like that for a while longer, his hand on her belly, their baby actively moving at the attention.

"Dan?" she said softly.

"Yeah baby," he replied.

"Why did you come back to me?"

"Because I'm selfish. I can't live without you anymore. Seeing you every day growing bigger with my baby. Seeing how sad you were, thinkin' you had to go through all of this alone, because I got scared and left you. You thinkin' I didn't love you any more or that I never did, when that was the farthest thing from the truth."

"I was interviewing a father and he asked me if I had children. I didn't lie; I told him I had one on the way. He asked me if I loved the mother, I told him I've never loved anyone else. He asked me if I was scared I would screw it up, I told him I already did. He asked me if I could or wanted to fix it, I told him more than anything, but I didn't know how. He told me I would figure it out, and that I would make things right," he paused, for a minute to catch his breath. Then he dropped his voice a few octaves and closed his eyes, "God I hope I am."

She looked up at him with his eyes closed, and gently placed a kiss on his lips, only the third kiss they'd shared since they got back together, "You're working on it," she gently assured.


	10. Chapter 10

Danny paced back and forth in the very small examination. He was very nervous and anxious about meeting her doctor and seeing their baby for the first time.

"Danny you are making ME nervous," she said.

"I'm sorry, I just have some catchin' up to do," he admitted.

The door opened and her doctor walked in. "Good morning, Ms. Monroe," she shook Lindsay's hand and looked at Danny, "Mr.?"

"Messer," Danny replied pumping her hand enthusiastically.

"You're blood pressure has gone down, which is good," the doctor noted from her file, "Still having the nightmares?"

Danny looked at Lindsay alarmed, she has been having those? What had he done? He wrapped his arm around her shoulder.

"Yeah," she said softly, she felt his arm go around her, but couldn't look him in the eyes.

"Are you ready to see your baby?"

"Yes," Danny blurted out before Lindsay could speak.

The doctor laughed, "This will be your first time, right Mr. Messer?"

"Is it that obvious?" he asked a little embarrassed.

"I think it's a good thing," she looked at him knowingly.

They situated Lindsay so they could do an ultrasound. Danny's eyes were glued to the screen. When the picture came up, and he saw the little legs and arms and head all curled up, he broke.

"That's so beautiful," he whispered to no one in particular. "Thank you, for letting me be here," he said to Lindsay. "Thank you for having my child, even though I was a dick. Thank you for loving me enough to let me try to make things right again."

"This is what I always wanted. You to be here with me, holding my hand, looking at our baby," she whispered back to him through her tears.

"I'm not going anywhere again. You are where I belong, with you and our child," he promised. "Can I kiss you?" he asked softly.

She just smiled at him and nodded in agreement. He took her face in his hands and kissed her passionately.

"I've missed you so much, kissing you, holding you, loving you," he whispered.

The doctor stood back and watched the broken couple as the reconnected again. She had learned from the young woman that the father had gotten cold feet. She knew the gentleman that had come with her before was just a friend, she could tell by their interactions or lack thereof. The gentleman before seemed to think he had a relationship with the woman, trying to hold her hand, trying to hold her close; she would always pull away. But with this gentleman the connection was obvious. She accepted his hand right away, didn't shrug him off when he touched her.

"Ms. Monroe would you like to know the sex now?" the doctor broke in finally.


	11. Chapter 11

"I'm gonna be in trouble if she looks anything like you, Montana," he said as he wrapped his arm around her, guiding her down the sidewalk.

"I'll be in trouble if she has your cocky ass grin," she replied.

"My grin ain't cocky," he couldn't help but grin.

"Sure it's not," she smiled at him.

"Lindsay?" a voice came from behind them.

"Ted?" Lindsay said when she turned around and saw him standing there with a worried look on his face. "What are you doing here?"

"Where have you been? I've gone to your place; I've tried calling you, hell I even went to your doctor's office." He said frantically, and then finally he noticed Danny, like he was hard to miss. "Who are you?"

Danny looked the guy over, he was everything Danny wasn't. He had no facial hair, his hair was combed neat, and he wore tailored looking slacks, with a long sleeved polo shirt. He sounded proper, like he didn't know a vulgar term if it bite him. If he hadn't already felt like he wasn't good enough for her or their child, looking at this guy would have done him in.

"Ted, calm down. I'm fine. This is Danny, my fiancé, the father of my baby." Lindsay hooked her arm around Danny's, like she was showing him off.

Danny held his hand out to Ted, reluctantly Ted accepted shaking his hand, "it's nice ta meet ya, Ted."

"So you're the jerk that got her pregnant and walked out on her, huh?" Ted asked, giving Danny a good once over. _Yeah he looks like the type. __The Harley riding__ leather jacket wearing bad boy; out to only get his, not caring about the carnage they leave __behind_

Danny shuttered at the brutal honesty, but replied in kind, like he hadn't thought that about himself anyway. "You country folks don't pull any punches, do ya?" he couldn't help but laugh.

"Not when Lin-Lin is in trouble without any back up," Ted said dead serious.

"Good ta know," Danny said, "And yes I would be that jerk." Danny actually kind of liked the guy, now all he had to do was win him over to, before he called back to Montana for HIS backup.

"So what did the doctor say?" Ted turned his attention back to Lindsay; he would deal with the jerk later.

"She is doing just fine," Lindsay smiled happily, rubbing her belly.

"It's a girl then?"

"Yep," Danny said and proudly pulled out his copy of the sonogram, handing it to Ted, "Isn't she beautiful?"

Ted cocked his eyebrow at him, and then saw the goofy grin on his face. _Okay maybe the guy wasn't so bad, but he was still gonna give him a hard time, for what he did._


	12. Chapter 12

"I heard she got pregnant by some other guy, just to try to trap Danny into marriage. But of course he was smarter than that, that's why he left her. Now she has nobody to play 'daddy.'"

"She is such a slut. He deserves someone better than that. I wouldn't mind givin' him a shot."

"Me either, girl."

Lindsay stood there frozen, but she was used to it by now. She felt Danny try pushing past her into the locker room.

"No Danny, it's okay," she said her lip quivering, tears in her eyes. Then she pushed past him and walked as fast as she could, holding her face in her hands, towards their office.

Danny ran after her and wrapped his arms around her waist pulling her against his chest. He really wanted to go and have a little talk with the vicious, talkative lab techs, but his Montana needed him more.

"Please just let me go," she begged as he tried pulling her closer to him but she was squirming too much.

"I can't baby," he whispered into her ear, "I've tried. I love you too much." He knew people were watching them, they always had. He didn't care; he needed her to know that regardless of where they were, he was hers. Heart, mind, body and soul.

She cried hard, gasping for air.

"Is this what you've been going through?" he asked still holding her up from behind.

She just cried harder, which he took as a yes.

"They don't matter," he assured, "the only two people that matter to me are in my arms."

She closed her eyes tight, trying to let his words of love soothe her unseen wounds. Trying to make her mind fight against the bitter words, letting the words she knew to be true into her soul.

"They don't know me, us," he whispered, "You are my heart."

She was gasping so hard from his words and their words mixing together, she thought she would hyperventilate.

"Calm down baby, I need you to breath deep for me," he soothed. He swept her into his arms and carried her into their office, gently laying her on the couch.

He never realized the amount of stress just walking into work and hearing two people talk could have on her. And it was his fault. They said awful things about her, things they didn't have any knowledge of. If he was a woman beater, they would be the first on his list.

"Lindsay! Oh my god! Danny what the hell did you do to her, now?" Stella said rushing in behind them. Another busy body lab tech alerted Stella to the scene.

"I didn't do anything, Stel," Danny said, before Stella pushed him out of the way to get to Lindsay.

"God Messer, when did you become such an ass?" Stella spat at him. "Lindsay, come on kiddo, talk to me. Do you need to get Hawkes in here?"

"Danny," she reached her hand out to him, "I'm fine Stel. Just more of the same garbage I've been dealing with. Some reason it just affected me more today." She had an idea why. Hearing it by herself made it seem less relevant. But having Danny hear it with her, made her feel more ashamed, like it made it more real.

Danny took her extended hand, pushing past Stella in the process. "How long has this been going on?" he asked kneeling at Lindsay's side.

Stella watched with a curious eye as Danny knelt by her side. "About a week after you abandoned her," Stella replied pointedly.

"Stella," Lindsay hissed, ducking her head in embarrassment.

"It has, I don't think it should be sugar coated. What he did was messed up, and you've been paying for it," Stella said, glaring at the back of his head.

"I know I screwed up, Stel. Lindsay is letting me try to make things right between us," he said, rubbing circles on her belly, "Now do you wanna see pictures of our daughter or are you gonna yell at me some more?"

"Pictures!!" Stella said smiling, but she smacked him upside the head anyway. "It's about time you got your act together, Messer."

A/N: BIG thanks to daytimedrama and laurzz for helping me


	13. Chapter 13

Danny walked towards the lab to get his latest results about the substance that was found. Seeing the two chatty lab techs instead of Adam, he groaned. He really didn't want to see their faces or hear their voices, but this could be the perfect opportunity to help set things straight.

He wasn't completely oblivious to the whispering and looks he had gotten from the lab techs and staff in the last three months. But he never realized the affect it all had on Lindsay. He thought he would just be considered an asshole for it, but he was okay with being the asshole. But people thinking Lindsay was a … God he couldn't even think the word without wanting to hit somebody, and hold his Montana and tell her he loved her. People talked, being who he was, he was used to it, ignored it. People didn't know him, and he understood that. But people thinking that about the mother of his child, the woman he was going to make his wife when she was ready, when she did nothing wrong, was NOT okay with him.

Plastering a fake smile on his face, "How you ladies doin'?"

"Hello Det. Messer," the tall one purred.

The shorter one just kind of ducked her head blushing like a school girl with a crush.

He wanted to throw up from the 'seductive' look the taller one was giving him. "Let me ask you two a totally unbiased opinion," he said setting the folder down on the table, and crossing his arms.

"Sure," the tall one said, her interest very peaked.

"What would ya think of a guy who got his girl pregnant, then dumped her?" he asked. He was throwing himself under the bus, but if it meant takin' some of the heat off of Lindsay, he would do it. He was the one who caused this mess and he was gonna be the one to clean it up.

The taller one's face dropped, she finally wiped that stupid smile off her face. The short one's face really turned red.

But Danny wasn't done; he wanted them to know that their hurtful words could affect his daughter. "Would ya think the guy was a jerk or the girl was a slut?"

Still nothin', more silence. More fidgeting and gaping.

"Do you know what undue stress can do to a pregnant woman's blood pressure? How that can affect the baby? I didn't realize until I got my act together and went to my girl and asked her to take me back. The doctor made sure I knew to help keep her blood pressure down. I'm sure you two gossip hounds know WHO MY girl is, don't you?"

"Yeah," the tall one finally managed to croak out. Her face so red from embarrassment, that she thought she might explode.

"You get what I'm sayin' then, right?"

She just nodded her head in agreement.

"I'm sure you won't forget to gossip about this, will ya?"

A shake of the head now.

"Good," he said, "Now could you ladies tell me where Adam is?"

Finally Adam walks in, "Danny. I, uh got your results right…" he stopped and noticed the tension in the room. "Okay what did I miss?"


	14. Chapter 14

"Yo Danno!" Flack yelled after Danny before he could go into the locker room.

"Hey," Danny said.

"Headin' to Sullivan's tonight?"

"Let me find out what Montana wants to do," he said casually.

Don's face went into a questioning-happy-frown, "Really?"

"Yeah," Danny smiled. The first real smile Don had seen in three months. "She's lettin' me make things up to her."

"Ya know if it was my sister, you woulda been hurtin' right? You fuck it up again, I still might hurt ya," Flack warned.

"I do, and I'll throw myself off the Brooklyn Bridge," Danny promised, but then a smirk crossed his face, "Wanna see my daughter?" he asked pulling his wallet out of his pocket.

Don grinned at him, "Get outta here! A girl? We're gonna be knockin' some heads together," he said as he looked at the sonogram picture.

* * *

Lindsay heard a knock at the office door; she looked up to see Mac looking in on her, "Hey Mac."

"Can I come in?"

"Yeah," she smiled.

"I heard about what happened earlier," he said.

"I'm fine," she assured him.

"Are you?" He asked raising his eyebrows, his way of asking more than one question.

She sighed deeply, and dropped her head against her chair. "It feels like starting over, but I'm still waiting for the other shoe to drop. It never used to be this way, I knew what to expect. Now he's trying so hard but I feel like I still have to protect myself."

"Do you love him?"

"Always."

"You trust him?"

"I want to, I used to."

"He loves you, he's been just about as miserable as you have. Take your time, don't rush things," Mac finished as he saw Danny coming in.

"Hey Mac," he smiled.

"Danny," Mac nodded at him, "Be good to her and your baby."

Danny didn't know why but he teared up just a little, "For as long as she'll let me."


	15. Chapter 15

"Danny where is your bike?" Lindsay asked as he let her into his apartment for the first time in over three months.

"Sold it," he replied like it was the easiest thing in the world to say.

She was shocked, he loved his bike, "What? Why would you do that?"

"I have a few things I need."

"But you loved your bike."

He stopped his movement around her, and looked at her, "No, I LOVE you and our daughter."

"But why did you sell it?"

"Because I need to get us a SUV."

"But…"

"Montana, it's okay. I'm okay with it; I did it before I came to you. I'm not that guy anymore; I wanna be better than that. I wanna be someone you know you can depend on. I wanna be the dad that our daughter is embarrassed to let around her friends. I wanna be the guy you both deserve."

"I thought you were pretty great before," she said softly, smiling a little.

He kissed her forehead, "No I wasn't," he said, "I've hurt you. Even before, you know, I hurt you. Shut you out, made you think you weren't the only thing that mattered to me. I'm just tryin' to play catch up, doing things that need to be done for our family, because you two ARE my family. Before I went through my day, just to get to the end of it to come home and get drunk. Now I go through my day to try to make you happy, to repair the damage I've caused. If getting' rid of my bike helps my family, then I can live with that."

"Dan, you don't need to change yourself for us," she said softly, "We just need you to be here for us. Need to know that you won't leave us again when things get too much for you."

"I could never make that mistake again," he said, "My heart can't take it."

She looked up at him with tears in her eyes, raised up on her tiptoes and kissed his lips softly. He wrapped his arms around her, and deepened the kiss, she pulled away suddenly.

"I'm sorry," he said softly, "I've just missed kissing you without it feeling weird or whatever."

"It wasn't weird," she smiled shyly at him, "Just surprised me. I think it might be okay if you kissed me more."

He smiled at her, "Yeah?" he dipped his head to hers slowly, waiting for her to pull away if she wanted. She didn't. He kissed her softly, gently, lovingly. He pulled away, not wanting to scare her off, "I love you, Lindsay Monroe." He whispered, looking in her eyes.

"I know," she sighed hugging him burying her face in his shoulder, because she really did, "I love you too, Dan," she said in less than a whisper.

But he heard anyway, and he squeezed his eyes shut, relishing in the love of woman he loved more than his own life. There was no other place he wanted to be.

"At least you didn't get rid of the pool table," she mumbled into his chest.

His mouth moved up in a grin, "Couldn't, holds to many memories."


	16. Chapter 16

"Hey Ted," Danny said as he let Ted and another gentleman that looked vaguely familiar in. He figured whoever Ted had with him wouldn't be that bad, he was walking into Lindsay's apartment and Lindsay trusted him so he would have to too.

"Messer," Ted greeted and walked past him into the apartment.

Danny looked at the other guy expectantly who just smirked at him, then back at Ted.

"Messer, this is John," Ted introduced.

Danny turned his head just in time to see a fist come flying at his face, striking him in the eye.

"Lindsay's brother," Ted finished.

Danny fell to the floor, "Son of a …"

"What the hell??" Lindsay gasped, "Danny!" she said scurrying to him on the ground.

"I'm fine baby," he assured her, "Your brother hits like a girl."

"Hurt my sister like that again, I can promise you it will hurt a lot worse," John glared at him.

"John, what the hell are you doing here?" she got up and hit him in the shoulder.

"Ted told me pretty boy here showed back up in the picture," John said gesturing to Danny.

Danny held his glasses up, and sighed when he realized they had been bent beyond repair.

"Had to show what would happen if he hurt you again, Linny," John finished.

"You coulda called me," she huffed as she hugged her older brother.

"Nice sneak attack there Ted," Danny commented, nodding his head in Ted's direction.

Ted smirked at him, "Thanks."

"You gonna be nice?" Lindsay asked her brother.

"Just wanted to give him a warning," John insisted, "But I'm okay now."

Danny stuck his hand out, "Consider me warned."

"We understand each other then?" John stuck his hand out, and shook Danny's hand.

"Ya still hit like a girl," Danny said, but smiled as Lindsay brought him an ice pack.


	17. Chapter 17

That night, as Danny kneaded her legs, ankles and back, Lindsay studied the newest yet oldest piece of jewelry she wore. Was she ready? Had he made things right as well as he could in the last few months? She loved him, she knew that. He loved her, she knew that. And he has even proven his love and excitement for their baby girl. She had become accustomed to introducing him as fiancé, and she hadn't even accepted his proposal yet.

Slipping the ring off, she turned enough so she could get his attention and held the ring out to him.

He panicked. She was giving the ring back? Why? What had he done wrong this time? He's done everything he can think of to get her to trust him again, prove himself to her. _You've got one of two options, Messer. Beg her to keep your sorry ass, or take it like a man and move on._

Without saying a word he took the ring from her fingers, rolled out of bed, and slipped his jeans, shirt and shoes back on.

_What was he doing? Where was he going? Was this all another awful game, lull __me__ into a sense of false security and leave me again? __Don't cry Monroe, just talk!_

"Where are you going?"

"Home," he said softly, not able to look at her.

"I thought you were home," she replied in a meek voice, trying to fight back the tears.

"So did I," he said in a low voice.

"Then why are you leaving?"

He turned and looked at her, "You gave me back your ring."

Now she understood, he thought she was telling him to leave. She rolled out of the bed and pushed herself up. She walked over to him, and touched his face, gently tracing her thumb over his new black and blue mark.

He closed his eyes at the contact.

"Look at me," she spoke softly.

He opened his eyes, and saw nothing but pure love.

"Ask me."

He thought about it for a minute, and then he realized what she meant. Digging the ring out of his pocket, he dropped to his knee.

"Lindsay Monroe, will you marry me?"

She smiled at him, the brightest smile he had ever seen on her, she took his face in her hands and kissed him.

"Is that a yes?" he husked when she pulled away and let her forehead rest against his.

"That is a yes, and a 'you better take your clothes off now'," she said helping him remove his shirt.

Thirty minutes later, they lay curled up next to each other, their skin glowing, still panting.

"You sure I didn't hurt ya, or the baby?" he asked stroking her hair with one hand and her belly with the other.

"I'm sure," she sighed contently, placing kisses on his bare chest.

"So does this mean I can kiss you whenever I want now?"

"I think I can live with that," she looked up at him, a soft smile on her face.

"Good," he smiled and kissed her, "because I really missed your soft lips."

"Now I can call you my fiancé and mean it," she snuggled into him again.

"I've always been yours," he whispered and kissed her head.


	18. Chapter 18

4 years later

The crack of the bat sent the ball flying out past all the outfielders. The hitter dropped the bat and took off all you could see was the outline of the name 'Messer' on the back of the hitters T-shirt jersey.

"Go daddy!!" Anna Messer cheered in her 4 year old voice. She was jumping up and down next to her mommy who was a little too big to jump with her, but cheered along with her.

"Wooo!!" Lindsay cheered

"Yay daddy!!" Anna screamed jumping up and down still.

Danny rounded each corner watching Mac and Pino, the base coaches, for his okay to keep going.

Lindsay's belly felt very uncomfortable, and liquid started running down her legs. She gripped onto Sid's arm, who was sitting next to her on the bleachers.

"My water just broke," she gasped.

"Okay, just relax," Sid soothed.

Anna noticed her mommy's tension and panic.

"Daddy!! Mommy!!" Anna shrieked.

Danny was almost to the home base anyway, but when he heard his daughter shriek, he looked up and saw his wife's face. He laid his foot on the home base and went flying past it.

Reaching her faster than anyone thought possible, he knelt in front of her, "Is this it, Montana?"

But looking at her pants he already knew the answer. He swept her up into his arms, "I got ya baby." He carried her to the ambulance that was on standby for the charity event.

"Don!" Danny hollered over his shoulder.

"I got her man," Don assured him. He ran up to Anna, and scooped her up into his arms.

"Donnie, what's wrong with mommy?" Anna asked trying not to cry, as her Uncle Donnie carried her to the SUV to follow the ambulance.

"Mommy's okay, Anna," Don explained, "I think your sister is comin', kid."

"Reawy?" she squealed and clapped excitedly.

"Yep," Don made sure she was buckled in right, "Now let's roll!" He ran to the driver's side, and put his blue light in the windshield. "Hold on, doll," he said before hitting the gas.

Seven hours later

"You are never touching me again!!" she growled at him, through gritted teeth.

"You're beautiful baby," is all he could say in return. He patted her sweaty face with a damp wash cloth.

Another hour later

"She is just as beautiful as you and Anna," he said through his tears, stroking his new baby girl's fine hair.

"Welcome to the world, Isabella Aiden Messer," Lindsay kissed her head softly. "Your daddy and I are gonna take good care of you baby girl."

"I love you Montana," he whispered kissing Lindsay's head. "Let daddy take her out to introduce her to her new family and you take a nap. You've done enough work for now, let me help now."

"I love you too, Dan," Lindsay replied, "Thanks for stickin' around for all of this." She smiled softly at him.

"Thank you for letting me be and for giving it to me," he kissed her lips, gently taking his daughter into his arms, "Now sleep, baby."

With his daughter tucked in his arm, "Hey Isabella," he smiled down at her, "I'm your daddy. Me and your mommy are gonna take good care of you, okay." He kissed her little forehead as she grasped his finger tightly, "Now there are some people that want to meet you, beautiful girl."

The end

A/N: HUGE thanks to daytimedrama; she didn't make it very easy on me folks LOL. And Laurzz for encouraging me. Each chapter went through TONS of rewrites!!

Thank you all for caring about this story as much as I did. I've never been through anything like this so writing about it was difficult! THANKS!!!!


End file.
